How To Stay Fat For Life

Hey there old friend, it’s me! I’m your special spare tire that you love so much. After all that eating and loafing we’ve done, I’m feeling really, really good right now. I don’t want you to lose 20 pounds.

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I love hanging over your belt as well as all the attention I get from your coworkers: they can’t keep their eyes away. Actually, you need to think about getting some bigger clothes: there’s a really nice plus size shop downtown.

At the rate you’re going, I’m planning on expanding quite a bit. Y’know, I really think that interval training stuff is B.S. I’m glad you think so too.

I have nightmares in which I’ve literally been belting off your body. I am uncomfortable with that.

I’m much better off when you do that cardio stuff because I get to hang out over the top of your shorts and look at the television.Most of my good friends in your insides are quite thrilled with your present schedule, so don’t change. I’m glad you stay away from that weight loss forum too.

Hey. I think you’re doing the right thing by listening to that infomercial that said that resistancce drills are ineffective against fat.The supersets that were offered by the trainer were a disaster. For a while it seemed like I’d be history. I’m so glad you stopped that!

You’re doing a great job now that you lift silverware rather than dumbbells. Ha! If you kept lifting, I’d be gone by now!

How is it that you got by without me, like in college and all that? You used to be able to go to the beach and show off your body… ha ha… not any more! It’s nice that you can stay with all your clothes on and spend more time inside snuggled on the couch watching TV eating all that

junk food. I’m really enjoying this. I like it even better how you’re drinking that beer and chowing down on barbeque while you’re hiding yourself in shame. Are you ashamed of me?

Friends forever, Belly Flab. I’m not afraid of rapid weight loss.

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